So, what felt like lowself esteem was really just the result of having too much selfesteemwhich is precisely what selfishness, selfcenteredness that we think is the root of our troubles is telling me. Specifically, that a selfish person has a strong bias toward not giving anything time, money, effort, energy, or other support to anyone other than him or herself. Posts about selfishness selfcenteredness written by wade h. In the big book, the offical book of aa, it says that all alcholics are selfish, egotistical, and need egodeflation. This is how selfishness and dishonesty manifest themselves in my behavior. Self or god letting go of selfishness human in recovery.
Neither could we reduce our selfcenteredness much by wishing or trying on our own power. If i am in resentment, i am inconsiderate in its literal meaning to myself and everyone in my life. I was living a life of selfishness and selfcenteredness, and i did not have peace, serenity or joy in my life. Nothing in the big book the original program endorses this queer notion. Sep 17, 2011 alcoholics anonymous chapter 5, how it works, page 62 selfishness selfcenteredness. Selfcenteredness anonymous is a 12 step fellowship focused on the recovery from the addiction to being selfcentered. Meditation may seem to be a selfish activity to those who have never practiced it but it is quite the opposite. Selfcenteredness and selfishness alcoholics anonymous. On my first reading of the big book, i remember being struck by this line, and my thought was, thats a load of rubbish. Mar 18, 2011 how do we overcome the suffering caused by the ego, or small self. Where does selfishness and selfcenteredness come up for you.
Aa big book, pg 62 this extreme self consciousness, sensitivity to what others think of me is a feature of my alcoholism. This passage from the big book demonstrates one of the more serious and more common problems in recovery. The aa program says selfishness and self centeredness is the root of our problem big book page 62. So jesus mourning and grieving for lazarus was selfcentered. How to stop it from ruining your relationships we all want our relationships to be successful. Apr 03, 2018 neither could we reduce our selfcenteredness much by wishing or trying on our own power. Alcoholics anonymous quotes by alcoholics anonymous. Selfishness and character defects emotional sobriety and. Rereading the big book alcoholics anonymous great britain. In some of the studies i have read, it has been called electromechanical smog. Dec 22, 2017 at first glance, it would seem that they have little in common. Selfishness and self centeredness is the root of my trouble.
Try to apply this simple definition to all you are battling with to understand selfishness and you will find a few simple selfish acts which you can start with. Self in big book alcoholics anonymous, 12 steps and 12 traditions. Selfcenteredness also requires the use of all of my character defects. Driven by a hundred forms of fear, selfdelusion, self seeking, and selfpity, we step on the toes of our fellows and they retaliate. Selfishness, self centeredness that is the root of all my troubles indeed. Indeed, self centeredness itself is heretical because it is the very antithesis of everything jesus taught or exemplified. Driven by a hundred forms of fear, selfdelusion, self seeking, and selfpity, we step on the toes of our fellows and they.
Whatever our protestations, are not most of us concerned with ourselves, our resentments, or our selfpity. Driven by a hundred forms of fear, selfdelusion, selfseeking, and selfpity, we step on the toes of our fellows and they retaliate. Driven by a hundred forms of fear, selfdelusion, selfseeking. The big book states, remember that we deal with alcohol any addiction, cunning, baffling, and powerful. On our grudge list we set opposite each name our injuries.
The source of all grief paperback september 4, 2012. In fact, the text much more deliberately, repeatedly and systematically contradicts the selfish opinion. The opposite of the selfishness and self centeredness is. The searching is not just a casual look that never drifts past your comfort level. Over and over the big book of alcoholics anonymous tells us that the root cause of alcoholic addiction is self a. The difference between selfcenteredness and selfishness. Therefore, there is no room for selfishness in the church. Self in big book alcoholics anonymous, 12 steps and 12. Difference between selfish and selfcentered english. If we are doing stuff that doesnt jive with reality, then it is false. Driven by a hundred forms of fear, selfdelusion, self. This pamphlet supplements the larger steps by the big book workbook available free of charge from, and it offers a practical way to get discussions going on the steps. Addicts using a twelvestep model to recover need to look at sel. As it says in the big book on page 62, selfishness self centeredness.
The big book describes the problem in the discussion of step three. The opposite of the selfishness and selfcenteredness is humility. Yet they can give us insights into the difference between selfcenteredness and selfishness. My big book step study sponsor came to an open, womens 1212 meeting and spoke on step three. Above everything, we alcoholics must be rid of this selfishness. I bought this book expecting it to address different expressions of self centeredness and how it causes us grief in our lives. How it works 63 when we sincerely took such a position, all sorts of remarkable things followed.
This doesnt mean that i think i should rewrite the big book. Indeed, selfcenteredness itself is heretical because it is the very antithesis of everything jesus taught or exemplified. It is still important to know the difference between what they say and what the book says. The first requirement is that you see that any life run on selfwill can hardly be a success. Experience the big book aa meetings available online. Here are schematic flowchart outlines which make use of. Sorting and rendering passages in the proprietary format of the 164 and more concordance does not in any way imply affiliation with or endorsement by either alcoholics. Established on such a footing we became less and less interested in ourselves, our little plans and designs. Levels of selfishness being honest with our self about selfishness out of damaged ego self owning it, learning to accept it without shame and judgment. Fear, selfdelusion, selfseeking, and selfpity, all things that stem from imagination drive this concern. And it produces seeds that give rise to every other heresy imaginable.
Its difficult to admit to ourselves that were selfish, and if we do our ego justifies it. This smog is caused by people doing stuff that doesnt jive with reality. Maybe realizing the depth of my selfishness and selfcenteredness is part of my moral inventory and for now, i just need to sit with the knowledge that im not the kind, considerate, patient, and tolerant person i am because im motivated by god, but. This is a picture that i made to explain the central role of selfishness. Alcoholics anonymous chapter 5, how it works, page 62 selfishness selfcenteredness.
Stinginess resulting from a concern for your own welfare and a disregard of others. The big book states, remember that we deal with alcohol. My experience with the big book of alcoholics anonymous and other recovery readings. On my first reading of the big book, i remember being struck by this line, and my. Heres a pivotal quote from the big book of alcoholics anonymous. I dont want to slip and i have to be selfish about my recovery. Our actor is selfcentered, egocentric, as people like to call it nowadays.
Once you understand the simple selfish acts the bigger ones will be revealed and easier to see and deal with. Driven by a hundred forms of fear, selfdelusion, selfseeking, and selfpity, we step on. In aa they focus on deflating the ego of the alcoholic. Alcoholics anonymous discussion blog by an alcoholic for. And in turn, fear produces what it lives on, more fear. It is not just a look at yourself that we are talking about, it is a searching and fearless moral inventory that we are taking of ourselves. I have come to realize the big book might be right.
That is why when you read in the above passage from the big book that our selfishness and selfcenteredness is driven by selfdelusion that it starts to make sense. Examples of selfishness, dishonesty, selfseeking, fear, and inconsideraton by mike b. One of the main points he argues is that if youre grieving over a loved one dying, is because youre selfish. Character defects are described in the big book as flaws in our makeup which caused our failure and as manifestations of self, expressions of our spiritual disease of selfishness and selfcenteredness. The alcoholic is an extreme example of selfwill run riot, though he usually doesnt think so. It is these character defects that block alcoholics from the spiritual solution and connecting to a higher power that will relieve their alcoholism. According to the big book how is selfishness self centeredness the root of our problems. Jellinek c terror, bewilderment, frustration, despair 2. Driven by a hundred forms of fear, self delusion, self seeking, and self pity, we step on the toes of our fellows and they retaliate. In early sobriety i was referred back to this paragraph on page 62 of the big book so often that i would reread it before i called my sponsor.
The words in italics are mine, to highlight the role of selfishness and the ego. As stated in the big book on page 62, first paragraph. The first requirement is that you see that any life run on self will can hardly be a success. Steps by the big book 12 step flowcharts lets talk about the 12 steps.
Take, for example the paragraph on page 62 selfishness, selfcenteredness. The 164 and more book, ebook, and web site are all concordances which display passages from the big book alcoholics anonymous, the twelve steps and twelve traditions, and the a. However, selfabsorption tends to refer to behavior that is a bit more extreme than selfcenteredness. On of the great paradoxes in life as well as relationship is the concept of loving oneself and the concept of selfishness. I dont agree with everything thats in the big book of aa, but there is one part that i think is relevant here, selfishness selfcenteredness. There are such implications spattered throughout, but this book is disorganized, poorly written and comes across as very judgmental. I continue to have experiences daily that demonstrate to me my problem of selfishness and selfcenteredness. Selfishness in big book alcoholics anonymous, 12 steps and 12. May 12, 2016 this is a picture that i made to explain the central role of selfishness. Thank you for the reminder of selfishness and selfcenteredness, and the dry drunk. This idea, i believe is woven into the aa big book, but it may not be explicitly expressed. And that seems much more unpleasant than the alternative.
The big book of alcoholics anonymous warns, above everything, we. A selfcentered person would be inclined toward selfish behavior, but not necessarily so. But the big book says, selfishness selfcenteredness. How do we overcome the suffering caused by the ego, or small self. At its core is nothing short of me being very self centered. Selfishness and selfcenteredness is the root of our problems. This mode of thinking is also referred to as selfcenteredness.
If we hang on to the selfishness and selfcenteredness that drove our. Thank you for referencing the pages in the big book. Selfishness in big book alcoholics anonymous, 12 steps and. Hes a delightful kid and a dreamerhe wants to leave that little town and do great things. Selfishness and character defects emotional sobriety and food.
Dec 14, 2015 the topic of selfishness is addressed in chapter 5 of the big book of alcoholics anonymous. I can understand that alcoholics are selfish when drinking but how is it the root of our problems. But the big book says, selfishnessselfcenteredness. Being all powerful, he provided what we needed, if we kept close to him and performed his work well. The current sca phone number for all sca phone meetings is. Unfortunately for me i was the only child, which perhaps engendered the selfishness which played such an important part in bringing on my alcoholism. From the divine selfishness article on their website, reprinted with permission. In the big book, bill w elaborates selfcenteredness. I think there is a big difference between selfishness and self care.
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